Water Baby

John took Cecilia to the Tower Grove Park playground one day where they have fountains that shoot water straight up.

Two Little Beautiful Girls

Last two from our trips...the top one is Charlotte with beach hair laying on Natalie's wooden bench, and the bottom one is Cecilia sitting on the bar at Grgich Hills Winery.

I Saw in Louisiana a Live Oak Growing

I saw in Louisiana a live-oak growing,
All alone stood it and the moss hung down from the branches,
Without any companion it stood there uttering joyous leaves of dark green,
And its look, rude, unbending, lusty, made me think of myself,
But I wondered how it could utter joyous leaves standing alone there
without its friend near, for I knew I could not,
And I broke off a twig with a certain number of leaves upon it,
and twined around it a little moss,
And brought it away, and I have placed it in sight in my room,
It is not needed to remind me as of my own dear friends,
(For I believe lately I think of little else than of them,)
Yet it remains to me a curious token, it makes me think of manly love;
For all that, and though the live-oak glistens there in Louisiana
solitary in a wide flat space,
Uttering joyous leaves all its life without a friend or lover near,
I know very well I could not.
-- Walt Whitman

Two and Eighteen

Ray of Life

thanks to Sara for taking this picture many weeks ago

A Few From the Trips

Charlotte and I on Natalie's boyfriends' boat in the ocean
Charlotte and I in the ocean at Hollywood Beach, FL

John and Cecilia at the Monterey Bay Aquarium

cousin Will and Cecilia at the Giants game

Send Me An Angel

Just when I believed I couldn't ever want for more, this ever changing world pushes me through another door. I saw you smile, and my mind could not erase the beauty of your face. Just for a while,won't you let me shelter you.

Picture Taken on the 4th of July

Separate But Equal

John and I and the girls went to opposite ends of America last weekend for mini vacations. John and Cecilia headed west to California, while Charlotte and I trodded east to Florida. There's lots of pictures topost, but I'm just going to put up a few tonight. Sleep is precious- you understand.

Cecilia at a Giants game

Gabriel, Jack, Heather, me and Natalie

John says, "wow they're really tan," which is code for, "wow, you're really white."

She Puts the Color Inside of my World

Downtown St. Louis has a new Citygarden, and it is so cool! John and I saw it Friday night, and then took the girls and his mom back on Monday evening. It has lots of great sculptures, and water for kids to play in, and just all sorts of stuff. I can't wait to go back, and I can't wait until Charlotte gets a little older, and she can enjoy it more too.

Through the Eyes of a 3 Year Old

Sara, Chuck, Char, and Alaric came over Friday and spent the night. John and I went to Fair St. Louis, and heard the Counting Crows, and saw the fireworks. It was a nice evening to ourselves. In the morning, Char wanted to take some pictures with my camera, and I found his point of view very interesting.

Feeling Better Already

My extremely considerate husband lined up the Sutters to watch the girls for a few hours last night and we went to Pi- the pizza restaurant Obama likes so much. Thank God for the Sutters. I had a drink, we sat outside, and we dreamt of future vacations. I had a decent night's sleep, and a good looking day and weekend ahead of me.

It felt good to vent a little- thanks for letting me.

I Wish The Real World Would Just Stop Hassling Me

Hello there. Checking in are you? Want to know how my world is?

It's exhausting, that's how it is. I'm tired. Fatigue has set in. I can barely see out of these bloodshot eyes. I don't want to get up and go to work anymore. I don't want to try to function on 6 hours sleep night after night. I'm not even that fond of breastfeeding anymore. I'm tired of being attached to Charlotte. I'm tired of Cecilia climbing all over me. I'm tired of being short on patience, crabby, and extra sensitive. If you've recently been around me and I have been less than pleasant, I apologize. My boobs are tender, my legs are ugly from all the blood clots and varicose veins and a few stretch marks, and my hair is starting to fall out.

This isn't an easy transition for anyone in our household. Cecilia varies from loving Charlotte to being jealous of her. John is with Cecilia during the day, and Charlotte is with me, and this works well until all 4 of us get together. I'm not sure what is so hard about it all, it just is. The hardest part is when there is one parent and two children. There is an article in last month's Parenting magazine that says the logistics of having two under two is nearly impossible, and asks the question, "how do you put a 20 month old and a 4 month old to bed at the same time by yourself?" I have wondered this many times already, and failed many times already. Usually Charlotte goes into the swing which she doesn't love, and by the time Cecilia and I are finished brushing her teeth Charlotte is crying, and continues to scream through the diaper changing, pajama putting on, and book reading of Cecilia's bedtime routine. Then I try to rush all these things, and Cecilia wants to look at the book extra long, or doesn't want to open her mouth for the toothbrushing, and I get impatient, put her to bed to rush back down to comfort Charlotte only to hear Cecilia crying upstairs in her crib. Blah.

Having a newborn seems very isolating for me too. I have no one at work to talk to, and I'm not doing Muny Band this year, and I often feel all alone. I can't go too far away from Charlotte because she eats so often, and let's face it, there are very few people lining up to watch a 2 month old who doesn't love the pacifier, and who has had very few bottles in her lifetime. I've tried to plan a few social things lately, so hopefully this will help me feel better.

I have had more than one parent of a teenager offer to switch places with me, and I'm trying hard to keep in mind that someday I'll miss these moments. Cecilia is cute with her little chubby legs and bare feet running all around our hard wood floors, and Charlotte's smile is contagious.

The good news Sara and Chuck and their boys are coming over tomorrow evening, and John and I plan to have a few minutes to ourselves- woo hoo! Guess they are pros at wrangling two children under two- and thankfully they are up to the challenge to throwing two more into the group. Dear Lord, please let it go well for them.

me at 17 months